You change your relationship to the pain by opening up to it and paying attention to it. You ‘put out the welcome mat.’ Not because you’re masochistic, but because the pain is there. So you need to understand the nature of the experience and the possibilities for, as the doctors might put it, ‘learning to live with it,’ or, as the Buddhists might put it, ‘liberation from the suffering.’ If you distinguish between pain and suffering, change is possible.